Haven't you noticed that people all around you are wearing more Gucci, Prada, and those ridiculous looking faded jeans? Well I have, and I also read a report by a bunch of scientists that confirm my worst fears. Yes, the world is getting cooler! By the simple fact of survival of the fittest, the world is getting more fashionable, and more concerned with the latest labels, and designer clothes. Even those in Kentucky have traded in their Wal-mart plaid shirts for the much more stylish Burberry plaid shirts. Those Kentuckians, and those from Winchendon, MA, had to sell their wives to afford such a shirt, Farmer Hicky states "Tradin' my wife for this Burberry plaid shirt was the only thing she was good for, besides having my children and whatnot." Even the farmer's children agree that they would rather have their father in a sweet designer shirt than have a mother. Farmer Hicky's son hopes in the near future to sell his sister for a Kangol hat. You're probably asking why all this is happening? Well the fact is that the cooler you are, the more likely you are to find a wife and impregnate her with your "Versace-seed." So women beware of those smooth Italian men who are just trying to turn the world into a new race of Emporio Armani's.

"Much cooler than a sister."