Tonight I am checking out Club Rain, the newest club in Dayton. Tonight is the Grand Opening and it is will be open at 10pm. It used to be called Celebrity and catered to a pretty diverse audience, but Blue Rain will be more of a mainstream place.

We'll see how it compares to the other Dayton clubs such as Hammerjax, Pearl, Foundry, Sloopy's and Newcom's. I'll write a review after I check it out tonight.

It's located at 850 N. Main St., the site of the former Celebrity Show and Dance Club.

It is open 10 p.m. to 2:30 a.m. Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays

Ages allowed: adults 21 and older

No hats or T-shirts are allowed.

See you there!

Only six year old girls double-fist. This is the real deal.

I propose that tanning beds have settings like rare, medium-rare, medium, and well-done. This will help all the morons who don't understand that tanning isn't natural because you're basically cooking yourself.

I have a feeling that if tanning beds used these setting people would start saying things like, "You look fabulously well done!" and stuff like that.

do you...

get it?

An Ode....

I would like to thank the kind individual who broke into my car the other day for the following reasons.

1. Before Friday night I had the unpleasant experience of having all of my windows be made out of glass. Without your help, kind sir, I would not have learned the handy skill of making my own window out of packing tape!

2. Apparently I must make some sort of change to my style. I had many items of clothing, including a j.crew sweating, a nautica shirt, and even a great pair of green pumas. The fact that you saw all the items (I know this because you dumped out my bag) and didn't decide to steal them you subtlety told me I should throw all my clothes away and start anew.

3. The other day when I was out shopping I decided to get some socks at Sears. I was debating whether to get white socks (the standard) or get a different color like gray or dark blue. Hindsight is 20/20 as I now know I should have gotten the blue ones. Maybe then you wouldn't have stolen my socks, my virgin pure white socks. You do realize that instead of stealing $200 worth of clothes you decided to take a $7.50 3 pack of socks. Maybe you were in a rush…

4. Do you know that when glass on a car breaks it looks much cooler than when you break a regular window pane. Its some sort of futuristic glass that breaks in a weird manner. Safety glass I believe they call it. Without you and your trusty metal pipe (maybe a crowbar, or your head if you were high on PCP) I wouldn't have seen the magic that is a broken car window.

So if you see a homeless guy, a pimp, or your roommate wearing socks that are a little too bright white give him a kiss and hug from me. And when you're hugging him give him a knee right in the groin for me…just to tell him how much I care.

Tuesday, March 21st: 2006

Fruit on the bottom yogurt is the worst idea since the male birth control pill. Dannon, all high and mighty, decided it would be a good idea to have people mix their fruit into their yogurt themselves! Do they think I have time to spend mixing fruit into my dairy goodness? No, I have things do, most importantly writing my biography of Chuck Norris and sleeping.